I’ll Drink To That: Water Bottle Drawings and My Daughter’s Self-Image

She opened the door slowly in her still-half-asleep state. Her hair still covered most of her face, despite the best efforts of the headband she wore. Her eyes remained mostly closed as she took the few steps toward the bathroom. Not forcing her eyes open turned out to be a mistake, unfortunately, as her dog bounded up and greeted her with a body-check to the wall.

She admonished the dog and came to the kitchen to find me. She began crying, the tears of a young girl forced from slumber too early. I picked her up and rubbed her back lightly, soaking in the warmth of her head resting on my shoulder.

“Good morning,” I said. “Did Babka say hi a little too roughly for you?”

I felt her head nod a silent “yes.”

“I think I know what will make you feel better,” I offered. “You want to see who I drew for you for today?”

She lifted her head and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. I turned and directed her attention to the piece of paper on the counter. The green monster gazed up at us with a wide smile, his singular eye twinkling.

“No!” she said sharply, tears starting to fall again. “I wanted a princess!”

You might remember that, when my son began day camp a few years ago, I started making drawings for his water bottles. The subjects varied from comic book heroes to movie characters to sports and video games. I made progress as an “artist” as the summers went on. I used different materials and pushed myself to try more difficult images. Also, all of my drawings were freehand (I didn’t trace them), even if I always copied them from a “real” image I found online.

My son is at sleep-away camp for the first time this summer, which means he isn’t getting daily drawings. My daughter, however, began attending day camp so I’ve continued this little tradition with her.

I’ve tried to navigate the line between catering to my daughter’s specific interests – unicorns and Disney princesses – and choosing other characters. Some of these choices have been received well (Heihei and Pua from Moana; Sisu from Raya and the Last Dragon) and others have not (the aforementioned Mike Wazowski). My daughter definitely leans into the typical princess sphere but she’s usually happy with any character she enjoys.

I’ve grappled with that balance on more than one occasion. It was actually easier with my son’s water bottles. He enjoyed some stereotypically female characters at the time – My Little Pony, Wonder Woman, Tinkerbell – so it wasn’t as difficult to put some diversity into his drawings.

His sister, though, is much more particular.  I have to be more careful about my choices if I want to provide a range of characters while also avoiding a tantrum.

To be clear, I’m not against drawing the princesses because I’m worried about my daughter being “too girly;” honestly, it’s probably too late for that either way. My hesitation is more about what some of these characters represent: women whose only talent is the ability to wait for a man to come “save” them. I’d much rather keep the focus on women who use their intelligence; who solve problems on their own or in teams; who don’t necessarily look like the stereotypical male-fantasy body type.

Moana, Merida and Raya are strong, both physically and emotionally. Belle had that unrealistic body type but her confidence and self-esteem were more important than her looks. She knew better than to get involved with the boorish Gaston and only accepted the Beast once he learned how to treat her with respect.

I’ll never draw Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, though. Even Cinderella was on the borderline of my comfort level. I don’t want my daughter spending any more time than necessary thinking that Prince Charming is going to swoop in so the two of them can live happily ever after. And I certainly don’t want her to grow up believing that it’s acceptable for anyone to kiss her while she’s asleep.

I want her to develop the persistence and resilience she needs to overcome challenges. I hope she will be able to put faith in the people closest to her and learn how to work with others toward a common goal. And I want her to trust her instincts and have the confidence to speak up when she needs to.

It’s possible, I’ll admit, that I’m overreacting. I may be putting too much stock in the messages a five-year-old girl may or may not be internalizing from her father’s drawings. (She doesn’t even drink the water most of the time!) I realize that she is more likely to develop her self-image based on her perceptions of her parents’ behaviors.

But I also realize that girls already have a difficult enough time growing up in our culture. They have to navigate the “mean girls” dynamics that inevitably arise in friend groups because it’s considered “socially unacceptable” for girls to display anger openly.¹ They are bombarded by exposure to sexual images earlier than ever.² And they are propositioned by princes who, though charming, certainly do not have “happily ever after” in mind.³

Given those circumstances, I’d rather err on the side of caution. It may just be a drawing for her water bottle, a cute little thing she shares with her father. But, given the choice, I’d rather show her a drawing of a woman actively preparing for obstacles instead of (literally) lying down to accept them.

Follow my stories on Instagram each weekday to see the rest of my water bottle drawings. Past drawings are in my highlights and those still to come will be added each day.

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^{1. Girls are encouraged to show all kinds of emotions – except anger.↩}

^{2. 70.9% of tweens and 87.9% of teens encountered nudity or content of a sexual nature, according to the parental monitoring app, Bark..↩}

^{3. A friend of mine wrote about her work with law enforcement to pursue online predators and it gives me chills whenever I think about it.↩}