Tag: parenting

A Vehicle For More Than Just People

The quiet parts of the trip are always the hardest.

When the white lane dividers disappear beneath my hood as the tires rumble with varying degrees of severity over the asphalt and the bucolic mixes of patriotic farmland and unincorporated forest rush past in green blurs.

When the black and white dairy cows mix together with the brown workhorses and occasional goats or sheep, each making their respective moos or neighs or bleats that all get swallowed up by the wind.

When the only sound in my ears is the popping from the changing altitudes or the drone of the occasional tractor-trailer as I pass.

When the ride is so smooth, despite driving a Toyota Sienna minivan that’s significantly bigger than the RAV4 to which I am accustomed, that I almost forget that there are five other people with me. Continue reading “A Vehicle For More Than Just People”

Swinging For the Fences

He pulled on his slightly-too-small helmet, wincing as he tugged it over his ears. We had been saying for weeks that he needed a new one – he was still using the same helmet he got when he started playing baseball three years ago – but life got in the way and we hadn’t been able to make it happen. I helped him slip on the batting gloves, holding the faded white fabric steady so he could push his hands in. He stretched and wiggled his fingers, adjusting for comfort, and held his hand out for me to tighten the Velcro base. He hoisted his bat out of his bag as we went over the details of his stance one last time. I gave him a smile and a few good-natured knocks on his helmet before he made the short walk to the batters box. He set his feet, bent his knees and lifted the bat behind him, elbow pointing directly back toward the umpire, just as we had discussed.

Three pitches went by and he made the same short walk back to the dugout.

His name wasn’t Casey and we weren’t in Mudville.

E had struck out. Continue reading “Swinging For the Fences”

Keeping Our Kids Safe Online With Bark

I recently became an ambassador for Bark, an app that helps parents monitor their children’s online activity. You can find my discount code here and at the bottom of the post. Still, as always, all opinions here are my own.

I began working with Kayla1 and her family when she was fourteen years old.

She was a lovely young woman. She had a sharp sense of humor, knew how to take constructive criticism (from me, at least) and was self-aware enough to offer her own insights about the sources of her depressive symptoms. She was open about her relationships, both social and romantic, and seemed to genuinely enjoy asking my opinions about the choices she faced on a daily basis. She didn’t always take my advice – what teenager would? – but she always listened. Continue reading “Keeping Our Kids Safe Online With Bark”

The Wonders of Science (or, How to Gross Out Your Child With Education)

When I was eight or nine years old, I wanted to be a scientist when I grew up.

Someone gave me a scientific microscope for my birthday around that time, which was probably one reason why. I would use the tweezers to pull out a hair from my head or tear off tiny pieces of leaves, put them on the slides and examine them. I’d fiddle with the covers for the slides as I tried to figure out how the professionals were able to flatten out a piece of twig between two small pieces of glass or plastic, often breaking the slide covers in the process. I’d play around with the focus and the zoom lenses and pretend I was doing experiments even though, in my head, I was wondering why it mattered what a leaf looked like when it was magnified at 16x. Continue reading “The Wonders of Science (or, How to Gross Out Your Child With Education)”

What If, Revisited

I sat in the large ballroom of the Westin Riverwalk Hotel, the site of this year’s Dad 2.0 Summit, simultaneously listening to the opening keynote address from fitness personality Shaun T and tweeting what I thought sounded like poignant quotes. He talked about being caught by surprise when his children were born – the surrogate carrying his twins went into labor early – and how he and his partner reacted when they received the news. He spoke about being privileged enough to be home with his brand new babies during their first few months of life and how he dealt with the feelings of anxiety and self-doubt that often threatened to overwhelm him. He brought up the emotions he experienced as his children grew, the advice he had been given and the lessons he had learned.

I was mid-tweet when my phone began buzzing furiously. The Twitter app disappeared and the screen went black as the call came in, leaving only the red and green circles at the bottom and my wife’s name at the top. I swiped to answer the call and ducked out of the ballroom as quickly as I could.

She was calling from the hospital. Continue reading “What If, Revisited”

The Five Words That Change Everything

I walked out into the hallway and met the parents in the waiting area toward the front of the building. I invited them to follow me with a smile and a “Come on down!” worthy of Bob Barker. Each parent made idle small talk as we made our way back to my classroom, making reference to the weather, apologies for the late evening and, in one case, commenting about feeling like they were meeting their executioner. I laughed at that last comment and reassured the mother that she had nothing to worry about, but I’m not sure she was convinced.

The classroom where I teach religious school is set up differently than most. Four rectangular white tables stand on light green area rugs in the business half, surrounded by grey auditorium chairs. The other half includes two charcoal grey couches that look softer than they are, plus a row of three cushioned lounge chairs. The chairs and couches sit in a U around a set of small turquoise coffee tables. In fact, the only obvious sign that the room is part of a school is the large green chalkboard that takes up most of one of the walls. The furniture provides a more relaxed atmosphere for my students, which is critical for helping them to maintain their focus; if they’re already taking time away from their increasing loads of homework or their precious moments to relax from school and other activities, at least they can be comfortable doing it. Continue reading “The Five Words That Change Everything”

Starting a Relationship as a Well-Meaning White Man

He sat cross-legged on top of the mattress, his back leaning against the wall behind him. Even seated, I could tell that he was tall and athletic. He hardly had the frame of a bodybuilder but his late-teenage muscles were still noticeable under his loose fitting t-shirt. His eyes followed me, expressionless, as I entered the living room and accepted his mother’s invitation to sit on the small couch opposite him. His mother sat on the other bed for our conversation – it was hardly the first home I had visited that had two beds in the living room – and began telling me about her experiences raising her son over the last few years.

I kept glancing back at the young man as his mother and I spoke. I asked him all of the usual questions – What was therapy like? What’s worked for you and what hasn’t? How do you get along with your peers at school? – and received the usual one- or two-word answers. His mother supplemented his responses, as mothers often do, but I made sure to look back at the young man frequently as I listened.

It was his life, after all. Continue reading “Starting a Relationship as a Well-Meaning White Man”

Becoming a Child on the Count of Five

Her back was straight, a perfect 180 degrees, without the slightest bit of slouch that eventually comes after years of slumping back in chairs or hunching over cell phones. She sat cross-legged on the high, plush white chair, her small body fitting on the seat perfectly. Her eyes were focused upward toward the television – why else would she be sitting so still? – but her face lacked the dazed and empty expression usually found on zoned-out high school students and brain-hungry zombies. I smiled slightly at the thought of her surrounded by “celebrities” at Madame Tussaud’s; she could have been, if not for the almost undetectable rise and fall of her shoulders and the end of her ponytail drifting in the flow of air from the vent.

“I can’t believe how nicely she’s sitting,” Valentina, the owner of the studio, remarked to us. “Most of the kids that come in at this age are running all over the place, even with the television.”

T and I chuckled and shrugged. “The television is a big help,” T answered, “but yeah, she’ll sit. I’m probably more worked up about this than she is.” Continue reading “Becoming a Child on the Count of Five”

Onward and Upward in the New Year

It was a good thing the wall was inflatable; otherwise my anxiety would have been even higher.

It was only her third try but she scrambled up, finding hand and footholds quickly, as though she had made the same journey hundreds of times before. I assisted her sparingly during her first two trips, giving her a boost when she needed, but usually just directing her to find the next small ledges to plant her feet. I didn’t touch her on that third time, although I was ready to catch her as she went over the curved outcropping halfway up. I hadn’t thought much of it at the time, aside from being amazed at how rapidly she had mastered the climbing wall, but she apparently noticed that I wasn’t holding her anymore.

“Are you still behind me?” she had asked. Continue reading “Onward and Upward in the New Year”

Hanukkah Magic

“Daddy, look what I found!” E exclaimed.

I’d just walked into the apartment after teaching Hebrew school that morning. Our plans for a family Hanukkah party in the afternoon had been canceled since S woke up with a fever, but that didn’t stop E from discovering the towers of wrapped gifts that T and I had hidden under the table behind the couch. He ran over to the table as I came in and pointed excitedly at the various shapes that were no longer covered by the towel.

“Mommy told me you didn’t put the presents there but I don’t think I believe her. It was really you two, right?” he asked. Continue reading “Hanukkah Magic”

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