“Do you think she’s okay?” she whispered.
We were at a movie theater for a screening of Frozen 2 for our son’s friend’s birthday. I had just settled back into the red recliner at the rear of the movie theater after bringing three party attendees – my son among them – to the bathroom. It had taken some small extra effort to sit back down without disturbing the two bags of theater popcorn and the Ziploc bag of candy we had brought with us but I had managed it. I returned my attention to the screen just in time to see Elsa grappling underwater with the Water Spirit who had taken the form of a horse – a sea horse, if you will.
We had known that Frozen 2 was supposed to be darker than the first movie but this was a difficult moment. Elsa was in mortal peril and, while I wasn’t the least bit worried about our seven-year-old son’s reaction, our three-year-old daughter had insisted on sitting in the second row with the birthday girl’s eleven-year-old sister instead of with us and she might be having more difficulty with the intensity of the scene.
I rose from my seat and ran, bent at the waist so as not to block too many people’s views, down the aisle to S’s seat.
“Are you okay? Is this scaring you?” I asked.
She smiled widely.
“This is my favorite!” she said.
I made my way back to my seat, sat back down gingerly and leaned over to T.
“She’s fine,” I said.
Say what you will about the newest Disney princess movie – I’ve heard comments about a messy plot, disjointed acting and less-than-stellar songs – but I really enjoyed it. It should surprise absolutely no one that I’m a complete softie when it comes to movies that focus on family and relationships. Frozen 2 may not be Oscar-worthy by any stretch of the imagination, but it hit all the themes that pluck at my parenting- and social work-focused heartstrings.
The ups and downs of sibling relationships? Check.
The challenges of love and marriage? Check.
The uncertainties of figuring out our place in the world as we grow older? Major check.
Did not expect Frozen 2 to touch on climate change and colonialism while serving us power ballads and good hair.
— Roo Powell (@roo_pow) November 24, 2019
(The movie had other important stuff too.)
The most critical message of the movie actually came in an almost throwaway moment of introspection from Kristoff, Princess Anna’s beau. The moment could have been handled with just a shot of Kristoff’s facial expression and didn’t necessarily need any dialogue. It was over in a matter of seconds and, had I not known it was coming because I had been listening to the soundtrack with my family for over a week prior to the movie’s release,1 I might even have missed it.
During a “duet” with his reindeer, Sven, Kristoff sings, “You feel what you feel and your feelings are real.”
It’s a sharp contrast to the jaw-dropping, absurdly horrible parenting advice that Elsa receives from her father as a child: “Conceal; don’t feel.” Regardless of the attitudes of certain cultures or previous generations, almost all of the parents I’ve worked with have understood the importance and benefits of encouraging their kids to process difficult thoughts and situations. The acts of burying her feelings and working to ignore a critical piece of herself have extreme consequences that almost cost Elsa her sister’s life in the first movie.
But Kristoff comes to a drastically different conclusion, though it’s hard to tell if he gets there because he never met Elsa and Anna’s parents or because he takes his advice from a reindeer. He realizes that feelings are meant to be considered seriously, that they are ways for our bodies to send us messages about what is going on for us. Feelings need to be acknowledged, even when they are uncomfortable. Concealing our emotions – or worse, denying that they exist at all – takes a terrible toll on us physically, as well as mentally.
In short, feelings need to be felt.
In the midst of Men’s Health Awareness Month – surely you’ve seen these ads around – and in the wake of International Men’s Day – which is not nearly as horrible as it sounds – it’s worth reminding ourselves of the importance of paying attention to our bodies and our emotions. Men, in particular, have a reputation for ignoring the messages our bodies send us, not to mention refusing to express any emotions besides anger.2 Frozen 2 might be a movie targeted to children, particularly young girls, but men could stand to pay attention to the messages it conveys.
Even if they do come from a reindeer.
1. And occasionally by myself at my desk at work.↩
2. Full disclosure – I cried at Frozen 2.↩
