When Will the “New Normal” Feel Normal?

I’ve noticed that my “memories” in my social media feeds have been somewhat triggering over the past few weeks. Last month marked the anniversary of our worlds grinding to a halt as the start of the pandemic became real for most of the United States.

March 16^th, 2020 was my last day of work at my office. It was the week when my wife had professional development at work and our kids’ schools canceled in-person learning. We started trying to figure out how to coexist when we were always at home together. My wife and I answered our children’s questions as best we could, often resigning ourselves to “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

Then, after the kids were asleep, we would ask each other the same questions.

And we apologized to each other for not knowing the answers.

The weeks dragged on and, ever so gradually, our conversations shifted to talk of the future. Routines fell into place and we adjusted, slowly but surely, to life in this new world.

Our daughter wore a mask to school every day (and still does). My wife wore two to work (she still does too). When I eventually started going back to the office once per week, I wore a mask and gloves.

Then, as new information came out about how people contract the virus, we lowered our defenses tentatively in specific settings. We stopped sanitizing our packages and groceries. I stopped wearing gloves at the office (I kept the mask, of course). We took some driving trips out of the city and we relaxed slightly about being around other people outdoors.

To be clear, we still take fairly stringent precautions when we’re not home. We limit the time we spend in closed indoor spaces, like supermarkets and malls. We don’t go in to stores that are too crowded. And this week was literally the first time in a year that we went back to Costco.

But we still had trouble finding activities for the last few days of the break. For each idea, we kept finding reasons – usually the same reasons – not to go.

Museums – inside and potentially too crowded.

Mall – inside and potentially too crowded.

Bowling – inside and potentially too crowded. Plus, are we sure the bowling balls are really all sanitized every single time someone touches them?

Indoor dining at restaurants – inside, definitely too crowded, plus no masks.

My wife and I are both fully vaccinated. We maintain social distancing protocols and have taught our kids to do the same, especially when they are inside. None of us are considered high-risk in terms of infection.

But it appears that our anxiety levels never got the memo.

If we take all of the necessary precautions – and we’re fully vaccinated – why do we still feel so nervous?

We shared a few Passover moments, including one seder, with some close family members over the past week. Every adult was at least two weeks removed from their second vaccine dose so, in theory, no one should have been at risk. And still, when we got back into the car, T turned to me and asked, “So, did we just catch Covid?”

I responded instinctively: “No, of course not. We’re all vaccinated, we weren’t on top of each other and we’re careful the rest of the time. I’m sure we’re fine.”

But I still kept thinking, “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

If social media accounts are any indication, our feelings put us in the minority. People share photos of themselves at indoor sporting events, restaurants and family gatherings. They show groups of people clearly not following social distancing guidelines, sometimes without masks.

I realize that I don’t know the details of these people’s levels of risk. I don’t know whether they have received any vaccination doses. And I know that whether or not I have a right to know is an answer grayer than most of my hair.

I just can’t help thinking about safety. My safety, my kids’ safety, my family’s safety, the general public’s safety. I know that a significant portion of the population is still unwilling to get vaccinated, despite the documented scientific benefits of doing so. I can’t help feeling like some of these people are putting the rest of us at risk.

Plus, as if that weren’t a heavy enough burden, I keep wondering when we are finally going to feel “normal” again. I don’t necessarily mean pre-Covid normal; that sensation was one of Covid’s earliest casualties. I just want to know when our collective anxiety will ease up. When we can go food shopping without considering bathing in hand sanitizer afterward.  When we can bring our kids bowling without wondering about the building’s HVAC system.

I want to know when we will be able to hug our loved ones and not wonder if we’ve just contracted a virus in the process.

I don’t know these answers.

And I’m sorry.

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Featured image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay