My Word For the Year

I wrote last year about my distaste for New Year’s Resolutions. I’m still of the same mind; at best, resolutions are an inefficient and unrealistic method of self-improvement. At worst, they’re yet another tool that we use as evidence of our personal failures when we inevitably fail to follow through on them.

I wrote that I preferred the idea of New Year’s Intentions. Intentions do not carry quite the same weight or pressure as resolutions because they are not evaluated on a black-and-white, pass-or-fail basis. And, although good intentions might be the asphalt that leads to the realm of fire and brimstone, the point is that intentions are designed to point our thoughts in a certain direction. That shift in mindset from passive reactions to active choices hopefully leads to more productive and positive actions.

I’m retrospect, though, the intentions still weren’t quite good enough for me.

Here is what I wrote for my New Year’s Intentions from last January:

I intend to be more aware of my social media presence and the people whose material I share on Facebook and Twitter. I intend to make more productive use of my subway commute, mainly by writing more blog posts, and to use those posts to make a bit of extra money for my family off my writing. I intend to be more intentional with articulating my point of view, as opposed to spouting off whatever comes to mind or keeping quiet entirely.

Most importantly, I intend to be more aware of the language I use around my children and the way I influence their behavior. I intend to be more vocal about how much I love my wife and more active in demonstrating those feelings. I intend to be more aware of the ways my actions affect my family. I intend to pay closer attention to my relationships with my friends and relatives.

I think I was successful in behaving more intentionally in most of these domains. I was definitely more intentional with my social media usage and, even if I didn’t necessarily write more blog posts¹ over the course of the year, I paid more attention to the types of photographs and other images I used in my posts. I solidified some brand partnerships and made a (very) modest sum of money from my writing. Plus, I published some pieces² that tackled more difficult topics and I was proud of the finished products.

I’m less confident about how I fulfilled my intentions with regard to my family. I know that I considered my behavior around my children more consciously over the last year. I’ve made changes to my interactions with my kids in the mornings as we get ready for school, as well as the evenings when I’m actually home before bedtime. But I also know that I used my phone too often when I was with my children. I definitely stayed on my phone too often when I was with my wife. There were moments where I was more vocal at home about my emotions but not nearly to the degree that I had intended.

Part of the problem, as I mentioned, was my phone. The weighted rectangular object seemed to materialize in my hand during even the shortest moments of quiet. It didn’t matter if I was watching television for an hour or if I was in the elevator for forty-five seconds on my way to do laundry. I might have been more intentional with my own social media postings but I rarely put as much thought into the amount of time I spent scrolling through other people’s posts.

The other issue was that I found myself continuing my previous behaviors of keeping myself hidden. My life with my family has become more exposed publicly through this blog but my feelings about work and my identity as a father and a husband have largely stayed within. Keeping those feelings under wraps has led to varying levels of stress along the way and has had negative effects on my relationships.

That brings me to the present. Last year I noticed people assigning themselves a “word for the year.” People would choose one word that encapsulated a personal goal, an overarching theme, a direction for their attitude for the coming year. I wasn’t quite at the point last year where I could choose just one word but I think I am now.

My word for 2020 is: commitment.

I’ve gotten distracted in a number of different ways over the past year. I’ve lost focus at work, at home and in terms of my personal and professional ambitions. In 2020, I plan on getting back on track. As opposed to directing my intentions in specific ways, the word is a way to remind myself of where my priorities should lie. I need to remember what outlets and people are worthy of my attention and the most beneficial and productive ways to make use of my time.

I’m committed to my wife and my children, which means I need to plan date nights, family outings and finally start cooking some meals.

I’m committed to my job(s), which means I need to organize my time at work and stay on task more consistently.

I’m committed to my future, which means I need to keep finding ways to grow emotionally and professionally.

I’m committed to this blog, which means I need to keep writing each week and building my audience.

And, of course, I’m committed to myself, which means I need to be honest about my feelings, accountable for my mistakes and attuned to my mental health needs.

That’s how I’m focusing my efforts in 2020. Do you have a word for the year? What does your word mean to you?

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^{1. I published a total of forty-one posts in 2019, compared with forty-five in 2018.↩}

^{2. Like this one, this one and this one, just to name a few.↩}